Mama Jen's bedtime tales

Enjoy !!

"I met your father at a music store. He was in a punk section and I was in the pop. I was leaving the store when I tripped and spilled hot coffee on him. I was so embarrassed, I thought he would be mad at me, but he just smiled and said 'You're more hotter than this hot coffee.' To this day I still don't know that means."

"He followed me to the bus and asked me what my phone number was. I was going to give him a fake, but I spilled coffee on him. Giving him my number was the least I can do.

A few months later we had our first date. I could tell he was nervous because he wore his shirt backwards. We went to this cheap restaurant, I hated that place but he loved it. We talked about school stuff, parents, and eventually music. He didn't take a liking to my interests in pop. He told me he liked punk and rock and that his favorite band was Kuro. I told him I've never heard of Kuro so he went on and on about how great their music was....I pretended to listen.

After the date he told me he had really fun. I lied and said I did to. He offered me to stay at his house for the night, I lied again saying that I had homework to do. Later that night he called me again...."

"He called again wanting to go on another date with me. He said we can do something that I liked. I told him he could come over to my house next week for dinner. He sounded really excited about that.

On the night of the dinner I planned for him to break up with me. I purposely cooked a terrible meal for him hoping that he wouldn't want a wife that's a terrible cook, since that's what most men wanted at the time. When he arrived, he was all dressed up, clean shaven, and he even cut his hair. I didn't even dress up or look nice at all, I didn't know he was so serious about it. When we started eating, I thought this will be the last time I'll ever see him; I was waiting for that moment for him to break up with me. He started eating he could tell something was wrong. He asked me who cooked the meal and I proudly said that it was me. He obviously lied and said he loved it. He continued eating the whole meal. I was shocked by it, but the faces he made while eating were sort of funny. After dinner he told me he was satisfied with my dinner and wanted to eat with me again. As he was leaving he turned around and kissed me on the lips, he later told me that was his first kiss, and ran out the house embarrassed.

Later I heard puking sounds from the front door. He was throwing up the dinner I made for him. I have him some water and told him to lay down in the guest room for awhile. He told me he was sorry for throwing up. I felt really bad for him. He ended up spending a night that night. When I went to check on him the next morning; he was gone..."

"About a day past since the dinner date. I was kind of sad that it had to end that way. He was a sweet guy and he treated me like an angel. I thought I should call him to see if he was ok.

I called his number and nobody picked up. I called again and his brother picked up. He said that he hasn't returned to the house in about a day. He and his parents thought he was with his friends again all night. I started to get really worried and started searching for him. I called all my friends to start searching for him. We searched all day and most of my friends had given up. I eventually found him at the one place I'd never look, the restaurant we went on our first date on. He was still wearing the suit he wore on the dinner date. When I started talking to him his eye's were wide open. He thought he'd never see me again. He made this poutty face and said sorry for puking out my dinner. I asked him why he kept the suit on, he said if he would of taken it off he thought to lose the only memory he has of me. I punched him and called him an idiot because that didn't make any sense. Then I kissed him........"

This is my story about this guy I’ve known for about 2 years now and… his obsession… This is LONG… I apologize.
Okay, there’s this guy, G , who is not only the most annoying guy ever, but perverted to the point where it terrifies me. See, G is a classic weeaboo: obsessed with anime and manga, gushing over Japanese girls, loving Yuri to… a disturbing amount (he thinks Yaoi is disgusting and that only gay guys like it) , thinking Japan is superior to all other countries and etc etc.
The first part of my story starts when I first got to know him and stuff after a while of talking to him. First thing he blabbers to me about? Naruto and Bleach and how they’re the greatest animes ever to be made. He also wouldn’t shut up about the girls in the shows with huge breasts. Saying things like “They’re so sexy and their tits… I just wanna -insert his creepy ass signature smile here- press my face into them.” And so on… I got aggravated because 1. I don’t like anime to begin with and 2. I don’t want to hear him talking about how sexy anime chicks are because, dude, THEY’RE DRAWINGS. They’re not gonna have sex with you! Hell, if they were real, they still wouldn’t!
Anyway, he would always talk about how cute and sexy Japanese girls were. He even went as far as telling me that he would jerk off to pictures of Asian cosplayers and stars. THANKS FOR SHARING, NOW PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I RUN FAR FAR AWAY.
It got worse when we went on a field trip for a week with our ROTC class to the USS Yorktown. A whole week of this weeaboo. So, after a couple days of keeping far from G, I thought he laid off me. I was wrong. Me and my little tour group decided to relax next to some cool planes on the ship while waiting till it was time for lunch. That’s when G walks over, alone obviously, because no one wanted to be his tour buddy, and me and my friends looked at each other.
He sits down in front of me on a bench thing (I was on the floor) and grins at all of us. “Want to listen to some music?” G asks and, curious, I look at his i-Phone he had out to check his music out. HOLY MOTHERLOAD OF J-POP. J-pop everywhere! And some random ass anime songs that looked like they were from girly anime. He had Vocaloid, too. Not being a big fan of J-pop, I sighed and said “any songs on here that are in ENGLISH?” My friends nodded and he ignored me by BLASTING some annoying song from the playlist. Then he spoke, “American music is shitty. It’s no where as catchy and cute as J-pop is. Plus, the American girl singers are all ugly (what???) and all of these are so kawaii and sexy when they dance.” I lost it at KAWAII.
“American songs aren’t shitty… well, not all are. Also, there’s a lot of pretty female musicians from America!” G looked at me and laughed his stupid laugh, “yeah… they’re all slutty though. Or just bitches.” I fumed and replied “There are Japanese girls like that too, you know! Hell, there are girls from ANY country that are like that! STOP THINKING THAT JAPAN IS PERFECT.”
He gave me the dirtiest glare and told me that I was just jealous. That was last straw, I literally punched him hard in the arm, I wanted it to be his face but I couldn’t get kicked out of ROTC, and told him that he needed to get over himself. I didn’t talk to him anymore after that.
When it came to the end of the school year, me and G ended up bumping into each other and he told me that he might have found a Japanese girlfriend. I inwardly rolled my eyes but listened. Seems he went to a restaurant with his parents and noticed an Asian family sitting near his table. He thought they were Japanese because OBVIOUSLY the only Asians are Japanese and he told me he winked at the poor Asian girl sitting there. She supposedly smiled and he got a huge boner, I bet. He passed his number to her before leaving and told me that she seemed happy with it. I bet she was like “wtf?” I doubt something happened between them.
The only girlfriend he’s ever had broke up with him because he was way too obsessed with her and always tried to touch her where she didn’t feel comfortable to be touched. She was Asian. Go Figure.

This is a story of my first day in anime club. I never really enjoyed retelling this story mainly because I am so ashamed of it.

It was the first week of the 6th grade and club organizations were starting to advertise students to join their clubs. I took a liking to the the Anime and Video Game club or AVG for short. I wasn't big on video games but I liked anime so I thought it would be a neat place for me to hangout. I was excited for most of the day because AVG started and my parents fuss about me doing some other extracurricular activities besides. My personality back in the 6th grade was different than it is now. I was very timid and didn't really talk to anyone or even make eye contact with people because I was afraid that kids wouldn't accept or judge me because I was foreign.

When I entered the club, I noticed that everyone was in cosplay, at the time I didn't know that they were all weeabos. All the cosplayers there were really terrible. No one own the a complete costume, more like an accessory, like a Naruto headband for example. As the club continued, I noticed that the club was very dysfunctional and unorganized. I couldn't even locate the sponsor or president of the club. When the club finally settled, we all had to play an icebreaker social to get to know each other. We each all had to stand up and tell the room what our name, grade level, and favorite anime. I hated the idea of publicly speaking to a class. I didn't want to go up and tried to avoid getting up and speaking by bowing my head down, but that didn't work.

I got up and told my first and last name to the members. It was obvious by my last name I was Japanese. A swarm of people came rushing to me, completely invading my personal space asking me stupid questions about life in Japan. Some of them also tried speaking to me in Japanese, but I couldn't understand them. I tried backing away but this hambeast girl came out of no where and started hugging me. I tried running away but she was too strong. She eventually let go of me and I grabbed my stuff and ran outside crying. They tried to follow me but I turned and hid behind a corner and waited before it was safe to escape through the back exit. Once I left through the exit, I hid in the bushes until my dad came to pick me up.

In the land of Weebo Land lived a queen named Weebonia. She had all the Otaku guys after her. She was so popular, especially when she cosplays Naruto. Weebonia has a husband, Godzilla. They had a child named Princebatman. Even though English was the offical language in Weebo Land, People still spoke in basic Japanese. One day a terrible storm occurred, and all the Naruto manga was washed away forever. The people in Weebo Land were in deep sorrow. Many of them committed seppukus. Including Godzilla. Weebonia felt devestated after the lost of her husband, she always feared of being FOREVER ALONE. Princebatman was determined to re-write all the manga. So he did. 45 years later he died. He only completed one manga chapter. Weebonia, now a battered old hag, wanted to revive Weebo Land. So she called all of her weebo friends. But they all died. So she was all alone, FOREVER ALONE. Weebonia was desperate for help. So she called her back-up friend Kyle, living in nearby SuckLand. But Kyle couldn't understand her cry for help because it consisted of part broken Japanese and mediocre English. But Kyle came anyway. At the village, Weebonia asked Kyle to re-write all the Naruto manga so that the village can be restored. "DIGADIGADIAGDIGADIGADIGA" Kyle said. Weebonia was so happy she threw herself into Kyle and kissed him on the lips. Kyle threw up on her face. Weebonia licked it slowly off her face. 5 months later, Kyle completed all the Naruto manga and was greatly rewarded, sexually of course. But Kyle didn't allow it. Weebonia seemed confused into why Kyle didn't like her. Kyle explained that he was in love with Ryan Reynolds. Weebonia felt like she was betrayed. She wanted to do something about it, she wanted revenge. . . .on Ryan Reynolds.

Inb4 you never write a Weebonia vs Green Lantern fight. (Even though that IS how to make the next chapter awesome: a fight for Kyle's love!) Kappa