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 Anecdotes Done Right

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PostSubject: Anecdotes Done Right   Fri Jun 03, 2011 7:50 pm

(Okay, I told it poorly on the cast. Here's Moo's actual written version which is way better. I suck.)

My daughters (and now granddaughters) and I have continued the great Bailey/Hahn tradition of family storytelling. Sitting around the table retelling funny stories was a favorite pasttime; as in my own family, and among the Hahn sisters, there would be requests for favorite titles: "Tell about the time Debbie Prayed in the Street" or "Grandma, what about the time you fell through the rotten plank and your rear end got stuck?" or "Mom, tell about the time you drove up to pick us up and we thought you were a bald man" (subtitled "Why I Never Again Paid $25 to Have My Hair French Braided").

In that spirit I'm going to tell a short story each about my three daughters. I'll start with Sam, the middle one. All three of the Weird Sisters have the strange Bailey sense of humor but we all admit that hands-down, Sam is the funniest and weirdest. She is the stuff of legend in our family and here is one of my favorites.

I picked fifteen-year-old Sam up at her friend’s house the morning after Halloween and as we drove home, asked her if she had a good time and what they had done.

“We went trick-or-treating. It was great. We got lots of candy, and then at this one house the guy asked us if we wanted water or candy, so we took water.”

The steering wheel jerked beneath my hands. “WHAT? You mean he brought you a glass of water and you drank it?”

“Yeah.” Sam looked at me as if to say, should we have bathed in it?

“Sam! What were you thinking? Don’t ever drink anything someone just hands you like that!” I glanced at her and she was gazing calmly out the window. I amped it up a notch.

“You can’t do that! Don’t you know that he could have put anything in that water?? If you were that thirsty, why didn’t you go back to your friend’s house and get a drink?”

Sam remained perfectly unruffled, in fact seemed to find the familiar landscape especially calming. I, in marked contrast, was turning red and a fleck of spittle shot out of my mouth during my next outburst.

“He could have put drugs in the water! He could have put LSD in that water! You’d drink it and it would taste fine and then you find yourself hallucinating and you wouldn’t know what had happened!!” I paused, panting with anger, and waited to see if I had scored a hit . . .

Sam gazed placidly out at the scenery and finally deigned to turn and answer me in a disinterested tone:

“What do you mean, purple monkey?”
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